Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
