someone get that fucking seahorse.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
