marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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