But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We are two peas in an std pod
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
