Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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