Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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