I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
