i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
