I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
