so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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