votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
