Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
