but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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