Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
