My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
