I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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