we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
