Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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