sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
