he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
