Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
