First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
