RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
