i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
