Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
