I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
