I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
