I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
