Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Alive.
So much puke
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
