Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
