If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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