I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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