She's like a pop up book from hell.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
