Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
