You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
