chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
that is very illegal...i love you.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
