My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
