Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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