Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
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