literally had 100 drinks last night.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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