My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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