What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
