So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
