Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Everyone says I win the strip club
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
