He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
