Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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