I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
All the doctor said was why
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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