If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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