Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm too high and old for this...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
