did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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