i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
