Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
